It’s been an exceptionally busy and stressful couple of months, and the reason for this stress is not my own business, but my husband’s work. Anyone who has either come across Shakespeare’s “The Merchant of Venice” or who works in the Corporate World (and especially, ahem, in the IT Industry), will have heard the expression;

“Getting their pound of flesh”

This expression has been uttered ad nauseum over the past few months in the Alexander household! 

We can talk about “How to manage your life, your business and your kids with little support when your husband’s employer talks the talk of work life balance but doesn’t walk the talk of work life balance” another time.  For many,  I know this topic will be close to home either with your own employer or your partner’s!  

Suffice to say, what has brought ME back into balance is this – dropping a few balls. 

I use the term “dropping balls” as an extension of the oft-repeated analogy of us working mums that we “juggle balls”.   It’s a given that we’re all adept at juggling the balls, but what happens when your arms are aching with the intensity of juggling you are doing, or – as I believe I have over the past month – you are trying to juggle your usual balls and you also have to keep looking over your shoulder to check that one of the plates that you set spinning (the plate being an overworked, put upon, very stressed husband) as it looks like it might fall and break?

Simple – you drop one or more of the balls.  I recognise that as a business strategy this isn’t ideal – I know how important consistency is, that I should have a nicely planned and regular timetable of writing etc.  However, we’ve just had Easter holidays, which means a shorter working week for me and more time with my wonderful boys.  And my health, my husband and my kids are more important than my business.  Don’t get me wrong – Coaching Mums is my “third baby”, but it’s not a human baby. It doesn’t need sleep or cuddles or laughter!

How did I drop a ball?  I just allowed myself to postpone or do less of some of my other regular business activities.  Instead, I have been doing more playing and more “chillaxing”.

More rest and recuperation means that I have been able to support my husband. I’ve shifted my criticism and blame of him for working so hard and not being around to active compassion and understanding (although I’m still angry FOR him).

We’ve had five days of sunshine since Thursday last week here in the North of England, the likes of which we haven’t seen for an age (I’m sure we didn’t get this much sun last August!)  It was just too nice to be inside working when I could be outside with my family. We’ve still been doing the jobs – Chris spent Saturday digging up a fence and doing some therapeutic “slash and burn” gardening.  We spent the majority of Sunday cycling in the forest, then home again to more ivy and bramble slaughter for Chris.   The boys laughed and played as kids always do.   

It’s been a lovely weekend and it was worth dropping a few balls for.  It was restorative and energising and whilst it hasn’t waved a magic wand to eliminate the pressures and strains, my ball dropping has helped to recharge both Chris and I, and by extension of this, it has also benefited the kids.

In February after our first FaB webinar (part of my six month programme for working mums), I challenged my lovely FaBers to “drop a ball”.  Little did I know that I’d soon need to drop a few myself.  As I think about the concept of “dropping a ball”, I realise that it’s one of my own “secrets” to balance.  I can work and work and get exhausted along with the best of you (!), but the safety catch is always there – at some point, I drop a ball.

What I’m about to say sticks in my throat a little, as I’ve always considered myself a feminist,  but here goes: 

As women and working mums, we are the lynchpin of our families.  We do it all – career, household chores, family life planning, shopping, feeding, worrying.. the lot.  Because this is the nature of the beast, it is essential for us, as working mums, to learn not only to become master jugglers, but also wise ball droppers.  We need to be able to drop the odd ball so that we can continue juggling the remaining balls without falling over.

What are the "balls" that you are you juggling right now?

Do you need to drop one?   

Tell me about your juggling act!