“You have no idea. Every single moment from the moment we wake up you’re bossy, disapproving, inconsiderate-“
“I’m inconsiderate? I’M INCONSIDERATE? Have you ever seen our bathroom in the morning after Tsunami Phil’s blown through? The floor? The sink?...... And how many years have I asked you to do a simple thing like put the toilet paper in right?..... After ten years of asking you to have it roll the right way, you STILL don’t do it right....You think I don’t know your little tricks? Where you leave half a thimble of milk in the carton and put it back in the fridge so that you don’t have to be the one to finish and replace it?”
“You’re right. You know why I do that Claire?.... Because I’m AFRAID to. God forbid I get the wrong kind of grass-fed bio homogenized whatever and meet your wrath. You’re like the nutrition Nazi... And I’ve got to be your little nutrition Nazi Goebbels because we have to be this “united front” with Ollie! What’s wrong if he eats 2 bowls of Captain Sugar instead of one? Or if his handwriting isn’t perfect?”
“Poor Phil. I feel so sorry for you. It must be hard having to be the cool fun parent while I get to be the one who makes sure our child’s fed, clothed and SURVIVES!”
“How would you even know? You don’t give me or anyone else a chance. You’re so goddamn controlling. You’ve got to be Wonder Woman, keeping everyone in line, looking down on them from her fancy Wonder Woman plane and controlling everything with her wonder superpowers! You paint yourself as this victim but you get off on being the super lady!”
The above is an abridged excerpt from the draft transcript of “Date Night”, a movie that Chris and I watched a couple of weeks ago, starring Tina Fey and Steve Carrell. Whilst I watched it, I giggled and cringed, as there were more than one element that I have heard related many times in conversations with my clients (and ahem, also between me and my husband). This conversation didn’t actually make it to the final movie. The dialogue that replaced the one above was an argument that developed between Phil and Claire after they had visited her former real estate client, Holbrook Grant, played by Mark Wahlberg “sans shirt” (what fun to watch this two minute clip and see Claire flirting with her client whilst her hapless husband looks on!) http://movieclips.com/AcyM/)
I have transcribed the “cut” script above, simply because I don’t have the rental movie to refer to and, having searched the Internet for “Date Night movie script”, I could only find this first draft that had been scanned in and posted on several (probably dodgy!) sites. But for the purposes of this story, it’s perfect!
God knows, I can give you example after example in my own household....
The clothes that Monsieur Alexander leaves on the floor EVERY night (“Are these clothes on the floor for me to pick up dirty or clean?”) is one example that always springs to mind.
Another is the fact that when I was away in London for 2 days last week, I can be 100% certain that the boys were fed on meat, no veg, bacon butties, white bread and Nutella, not enough water and CERTAINLY NO FRUIT.
Why was I surprised when I delegated the shopping to DH and he bought salad that was one day beyond its use by date?
14 years in this relationship. 14 years, 2 boys and now 1 dog and the habits remain. And they always will. So, I have a choice here. I can either get stressed and frustrated or I can just be slightly puzzled, raise my eyebrows and smile whilst I sigh.
I hear this sort of thing from my clients in their new client questionnaires so often:
- “I have to be the one to control it all”
- “It’s my way or the highway”
- “I’m the only one who can do it all”
The moral of the story: Give Up.
Have you heard this definition of madness? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Stop the madness now. Stop trying to control it all and simply let it go: give up. What’s important to you isn’t necessarily important to him. That’s all. There’s no magic formula on how to deal with a spouse who has habits that annoy you or who doesn’t do things your way.
Girls. GIVE IN. GIVE UP. Stop trying to be the Nutrition Nazi, the Homework Fascist or whatever it is that’s your “Thing”!
Your coaching question:
Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?
That’s all for now, girls! Have a great day, and remember to take off your Wonder Woman tiara before you make breakfast!
Comments
incredibly tidy. The other one is gradually learning!